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THE BOOK
The Compatibility Trap
What if compatibility isn’t about searching for someone who fits, but making space for the person who doesn’t?
In The Compatibility Trap, social psychologist Dr. Sanna Balsari dismantles the narratives we’ve been sold about frictionless love and offers a radically different approach to connection.
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The Compatibility Trap
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The Compatibility Trap ✳
What if we’ve been going about love all wrong?
The perfect match is no longer a fairytale – it’s an expectation. But what if our fixation on compatibility is undermining the very intimacy we crave?
In The Compatibility Trap, Cambridge PhD and psychologist Sanna Balsari draws on cutting-edge scientific research and the hard-won wisdom of her own romantic misadventures to offer a radically different blueprint for falling — and staying — in love.
It’s a book written for those navigating love in an increasingly fraught climate where AI promises to remove the friction from love. It speaks to singles caught in the anxious cycle of dating by numbers and hoping for 100% compatibility, as well as those in long-term relationships who are plagued by the promise of a better match.
Learn how to:
Get over the “ick” and distinguish a difference from a dealbreaker
Dismantle your comparison pyramid –stop stacking your partner against exes, friends, or an imaginary “someone better”
Develop shared interests with someone who isn’t your carbon copy
Navigate differences that expand you, not divide you
Not your conventional dating guide, The Compatibility Trap is packed with scientific frameworks and real-life examples that cover the entire trajectory of modern romance from dating apps to situationships to long-term partnerships. It's a rigorous, funny, and deeply human exploration of building a love that lasts.
Meet the Author
Dr. Sanna Balsari is a social psychologist, lecturer and writer based in London. Since receiving her PhD at the University of Cambridge, she has built a decade-long career translating scientific insights into actionable tools to apply in everyday life.
Sanna regularly writes for Psychology Today, and has released the science-based personality board game with Hachette UK, Who Are You?
Her research has been featured in the media, including The Atlantic, The World Economic Forum, The Cut, Fast Company, and the BBC.
She frequently presents her research to a diversity of organisations, including the United Nations, McKinsey, and the BBC.
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